Confidence in Christ

Confidence. This term is something that I have struggled with a lot in my past, even now I have to work to remember whom I am in Christ. 

I remember being an extremely self-conscious teenager. While I appeared to be confident due to my outgoing personality, I had issues with my self-esteem. I remember trying to starve myself because I thought I wasn’t skinny enough (it lasted about a week because, well, I love food too much). The strongholds of insecurity were due to my feelings of inferiority. Growing up I was teased a lot. Let me tell you, words have the power to affect. I grew up thinking I was ugly, dumb, fat, and worthless. Even as I write this right now, tears spring to my eyes due to how blinded I was by the enemy. 

So how did I eventually learn to love myself? I learned to love Christ first. 1 John 4:8 states, “Whoever does not have love does not know God, because God is love.“ I truly believe that in order to love yourself and others you first have to know God. I would not have the love of Christ if I did not know him. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 explicitly explains what love is “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 

When I think about Jesus, I think about so many things. However, it’s his love and his promises that stick out to me as I am writing this blog. He promises to work out all things for our good for those who love him (Romans 8:28). Wow. When I was depressed and couldn’t understand my worth, God got me through. Clinging onto God not only built our relationship, but it also gave me a testimony. Eventually, I figured I was a pretty confident gal and that I pretty much had it together, but then I took my eyes off of Christ. I was good as long as my weight stayed in a certain range, my hair stayed a good length, and I continued to get good grades in my classes. 

Then 2013 happened. 

It wasn’t like 2013 was absolutely terrible, it was just that at times my focus was more on my situations instead of God. Understand that just because things do not go as planned does not necessarily mean that God has removed his hand from your life. Looking back at God’s promise in Romans 8:28 reminds me that even through my painful situations God was still working it all out for my good. 

Last year I was over-worked, stressed, fearful, intimidated, not doing as good as I would have like to do in school, and to top it off I lost my hair. 

I was really broken. I could feel the chains of depression trying to bind me again. During this season my confidence was shattered. I walked with my head down and my value far from my mind. Through all of this, I kept wanting to feel healed by God. Now I realize that he had already given me the authority over the enemy and the lies he put in my mind. All I had to do was to accept God’s love towards me. 

You have to understand that even if we fail or don’t look how we want to that God still loves us. The Lord says in Jeremiah 31:3, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” He loves us in our shame, pain, happiness, in everything and anything we go through. He loves us forever.  

The Lord’s word to Samuel when he was uncertain about picking David to be the next king sticks out to me: “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” 1 Samuel 16:7. You see, God looks at your heart, not the way you look. He judges the heart. If you fail, remember that it’s not your works that can save you but God’s grace (Ephesians 2:8). 

I’m not going to lie to you and say that I never feel insecure sometimes, but through my struggles and dependency on God I have come to the realization that my worth is found in God. If the Most High God loves me, then what am I doing worrying about what other people think of me?  Remember whom you are in Christ and never forget it. 

Quick list of some of the things I learned in 2013:

• Love yourself unconditionally. Even if you’ve messed up, cut off all your hair, gained weight, didn’t do as well as you could of…just love yourself.
• Treat yourself kindly.
• You’re beautiful. 
• Know your worth.
• Confidence is attractive. Always be sure of yourself even when you’re not. 
• God’s love is unending. He’s there in the good and the bad. 

Jesus love you and so do I!

-Courtney

Wise Words <3

Fear.

Ughhhh. A feeling no one wants to experience. Just last week I had a terrible experience with a mouse in my apartment. Let me tell you, this is one of my BIGGEST fears. I woke up at seven a.m. to start my day with God by praying and reading the Bible, but, well, then I found a dead mouse on my floor. My amazing cat, Munsey, had killed it and there it lain in my living room looking ugly as ever.

My awesome cat.

 I didn't get to reading my Bible that day because I spent my free hour before work crying to my mom and sister over the phone. I also called Jeffton, my brother in Christ, who lives in the next apartment over to come pick up the corpse of the rodent. He came right away, but it took me almost ten minutes to just get up and open my front door. The time I had planned to spend with God that morning was spent with me frozen, unable to move. 

Fear paralyzes.  I spent way too much time being stuck in my stagnant position which made me miss out on my time I could have been praying to God. How many times have you been afraid and missed out on what you needed to do? If you’re a guy, maybe you wanted to ask out a girl who you really liked but you were to afraid to and before you knew it, you had missed your opportunity. The devil wants to keep you bound to your fear so that you do not advance in God’s kingdom. You may think you’re not smart enough, talented enough, or good enough to do something God specifically told you to do. If Moses had stuck with his excuse that he had a stutter and never moved out of his fear by trusting God, he would have never been accounted as one of the greatest men in the Bible. 

Reminder: God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called.

Fear is irrational. Yeah, sure it might make sense to you. My fear of mice seems perfectly rational in my mind, but if I really look at it, I realize that an animal the size of my hand has no business dominating my life. The devil is the ultimate deceiver. He wants to trick you into fearing something that is not a threat. 

Ironically, the night before I encountered  Jerry the mouse, I had read 2 Timothy 1:7 “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” It’s important that we focus on God’s word to give us what we need. Too bad I focused only on my situation and not on Jesus.  This situation threw me out of spiritual alignment for a bit, but I’m back on track now. Thanks to Jesus. 

So, what do we do when we fear?

1. Trust in God. Proverbs 3:5-6
2. Pray and God will comfort you. Isaiah 41:10, John 16:33, Romans 8: 28, 37-39,  2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Philippians 4:6
3. Listen to ministering (Christian) music. Psalm 22:3. A quote I made, “Worship ushers in the spirit of the Lord. Where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty. Your freedom is in your praise.” So praise God despite of how it might look like. 
4. Face your fear. “Facing your fears robs them of their power” -Mark Burnett
5. Pray some more. 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Be honest with God and tell him what you’re feeling; allow him to hold your hand through it. 

Peace, love, and chin hugs!

Emotions

First let me start out by saying that some emotions are not a bad thing. God gives us feelings. He experiences them too. Yet, we have to be careful that we use these emotions in a holy way. God is still sovereign even when he experiences emotions.

For the LORD your God in the midst of you is a jealous God; otherwise the anger of the LORD your God will be kindled against you, and He will wipe you off the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 6:15

Jealous? Anger? Sovereign? Yeah right you might say, but understand what this verse talking about. God’s jealousy is not like ours. I love the song “How He Loves Us.” This song’s lyrics states, “He is jealous for me.” He wants us. He made us, redeemed us, showed us grace and mercy, and he simply wants us to serve him. Wow. You? A sinner who has fallen short of the creator’s glory time after time? Yes. God wants you. That is his jealousy: it’s an intense desire for us. Our jealousy is explained as an emotion typically referred to the negative thoughts and feeling of insecurity, fear, and anxiety as according to Wikipedia.  The Tenth Commandment declares that we should not covet. We may covet our peers belongings and let that stew into jealousy. God doesn't want that for us. Our jealousy is an example of a bad emotion.

Now, the verse above explains how God in his anger will pretty much take you off the face of the earth. Looking further into the contexts of this chapter reveals that God wanted the Israelites (and us too) to serve the him and him only. His anger relates to his jealousy for us. “’You shall not put the LORD your God to the test…You shall diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God…’” Deuteronomy 6:16-17.  God’s anger is just. He created us to serve him and that is exactly what we are supposed to do, if we don’t serve him then he has the right to wipe us out if he so pleases. 


While God  allows us to experience emotions through our free will,  we must not let some emotions take root like lust (Matthew 5:28) or jealousy. The Bible gives us instructions on what to do with our ill emotions. Take for example some of the things the Bible says about anger: Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Ephesians 4:26. God gets us. He’s not an unfeeling God who sits up in Heaven emotionless. He understands that we may become angry, but he gives us guidelines on what to do to get that emotion in check. 

It is okay to have certain emotions but it is what you do with them that can make or break you.  Ecclesiastics 3 declares that there is a season for everything, but be mindful that we may live in that season for too long. If you’re angry for too long and don’t follow the guidelines in Ephesians 4:26 or Matthew 5:21-26 it can grow into deep seeds of bitterness. Take for example sadness, if you are sad for too long it can lead to depression which can lead to suicide. The devil wants to take our emotions and twist them. He is the ultimate deceiver. He will lie to us so that he can try to build strongholds in our life. 

Go ahead! Experience the positive emotions freely! When negative emotions try to rise up, get them back into alignment with God’s will. If you struggle with getting your emotions in line, give them to Jesus.

 Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. 

Blessings! 

The Desires of Your Heart

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

God will give me the desires of my heart? Hey, hey now! Sounds good to me! But wait, don’t forget the first part of the verse. Delight yourself in the Lord. Delight means to please (someone) greatly or to take great pleasure in. So in order for God to give you the desires of your heart, you have to please him. This verse is not just a blank check, for you have to do part and provide the pen. 

As I have been seeking God to give me the desires of my heart, I have realized that it may require steps from me in order to get my wishes fulfilled. He has been giving me little tests to see if I am equipped to handle the desires I hope for. 

Towards the end of high school and my beginning college years, I really wanted more godly friends. I wanted friends whom I could freely talk about Jesus all the time and not look like I had sprouted three heads. God did this by first removing majority of my old friends who did not bring me closer to him. Truthfully, this hurt a lot, and this was a painful experience for me. I hated staying in the house on Friday nights by myself week after week. I was lonely. 

Loneliness can only be filled by God’s presence.

Looking back, I am soooo grateful for this season in my life. My relationship with Jesus grew; I realized that he is all I need. I learned that loneliness can only be filled by God's presence. I believe he also allowed me to go through this season  so that when I did receive more Christian friends I wouldn't make idols of them and so that I could appreciate them more. I’ll be the first one to admit: I love my friends, and they have now become my family. I know that they are blessing from the Lord, and that he heard my prayers for more godly friends. 

 

                                                      Some of my awesome friends and I. <3

 Sometimes God will take us through the process so that we can prepare for the gift. If you know me, you know that I want a husband one day. This is one of my heart’s desires. In order for me to be prepared for marriage, God is teaching me to enjoy my single season. In the seasons before God’s promises to us are birth, we may have to endure “the struggle.”  Another example of this in my life is my desire to become a teacher. In order to get this dream fulfilled I have to go through a series of classes and tests to make sure I am competent to handle this position (or gift). We can’t just have everything we want like that *snaps finger.* We have to trust in the Lord. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” Proverbs 3: 5-6

It may not always be easy to get the desires we hope for granted, but know it already has been worked out for our good if we delight in the Lord. 

Love, 

Courtney 

Jesus, take the wheel.

I recently had the opportunity to take a mini road trip with my friend, Lynette. We just drove a hour up the road to go shopping for our mutual friend’s bridal shower gift.  Let me tell you honestly, I was terrified. My heart beat kept racing, even though I tried to present a cool persona. What scared me the most was Lynn’s confidence. Yeah, I know it sounds terrible, but let me explain.

This was her first time ever driving on the interstate, and she appeared to have this belief that she could handle it all. She thought  merging, switch lanes, and driving at such a high speed was no biggie. Truthfully, she reminded me of myself. When I first started driving at sixteen, I was an overly confident teen who thought she knew it all. Through my past five years of driving (and through other things in my life), I have learned that in order to learn more and to improve, sometimes you just have to listen to instruction. 

Just recently I took a road trip with my sister, grandma, nephew, and momma Gwenie. Throughout this trip,  I kept getting yelled at about my driving. My granny would tell me to slow down around the curves and to watch out for cops and stuff. There was nothing wrong with what she was telling me, but my pride took over. I was like, “I got this! I've been driving for five years!” Nevertheless, through some personal reflection I realized she was exactly right,  and I often may respond to God’s instruction the same way. 

Proverbs 17:7 states, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Wow. So, we’re being foolish when we do not heed Jesus’ instruction? Yep. Think about that for a minute. How many times have you ignored what God told you to do? How many times have you broken a Ten Commandment? How many times have you sinned against God by not obeying his laws specifically stated in the Bible? If I had to guess for myself, the number would be close to a million. 

I am learning the importance of listening to God’s voice and trusting that he knows what’s best. I mean, come on, he’s God! This learning process is arriving through humbling myself and asking God to give me wisdom ( James 1: 5 ). So, follow the steps of Proverbs 17:7 if you do not want to be counted as a fool. Respect the Lord and do not hate getting some more wisdom and instruction. Just trust that God knows what he’s doing with your life and let him take the wheel. 

-Peace and love.

I was so excited to get off the interstate. 

My face while driving in Lynn's car.