The Holiday Blues

 2020 will forever be remembered as the year we lost. All around the world, people lost loved ones, jobs, and homes. However, I'm here to remind you that with God we win. It may seem difficult right now but position your eyes to things that are above (Colossians 3). 

With the year many of us had, it may not be the easiest holiday season for some of us. This is my second Christmas without my mom since she passed away last August. Last Christmas was difficult, but not as hard as this year because I had a boyfriend who tried to make the holiday special. Now, this year, I am left to navigate the holiday without my mother and as a single 28-year-old. Look, life does not always go as planned, and it's okay to grieve what was. The thing is that we shouldn't stay in difficult seasons forever. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is a season/time for everything. I'm not telling you that you must get out and act like everything is perfectly fine this holiday season because it may not be perfectly fine for you. It's not for me. We all have different situations, and our feelings are valid. 

I spent part of the day laying in bed feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my misfortunes. I attempted to video call my friends, but seeing them around their families while I'm at home alone with my cat made me feel happy for them but incredibly sad for myself. This is my less than perfect truth. I want my momma. I want to be married with children. I want Christmas gifts. But in my funk, I failed to recognize all that I do have. I have a sister and nephew I get to visit tomorrow. I have food in the fridge and a roof over my head. I have bills that are paid. I have life. I have salvation. I have Jesus Christ who calls me to "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18). And in my thanksgiving, my mood shifted. I'm not saying that I don't have pain anymore, but my pain does not have me.

The thing is that this holiday season will look different for many of us. If you have lost deeply this year, I am truly sorry. Your pain is real and valid, but I encourage you to rejoice even in the midst. While in prison, the Apostle Paul reminds us to rejoice in the Lord always, pray and petition to God, and give thanks so that God's peace can guard our hearts and minds (Philippians 4:4-9). This is not an easy task. Honestly, there are times when my hurts are so deep that I must depend on the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf because I can't even speak or think straight (Romans 8:26). One of the amazing things about God is that he will meet you where you at, and he will help you. 

My thoughts and prayers are with anyone going through troubling times, and I hope that you will meet with God to help you through. I also offer a reminder that we also remember the meaning behind Christmas. Christmas is about Jesus humbling himself to be born of a virgin to save the world from their sins, and this is the greatest Christmas gift. 

Peace and love, 

Courtney 

Are You Giving Up Your Birthright?

During some seasons in my life, there are certain Bible characters that I can really relate to. Unfortunately, it’s not John, Enoch, or Esther, instead it’s Saul, Jonah, and Esau. The people who didn’t trust God wholeheartedly and turned to their own devices. It’s the people who knew right but chose to do wrong. Those are the people from the Bible whose stories I’m drawn to simply because they remind me of my own.

One person I read with a sympathetic eye is Esau. He was the firstborn twin of Issac and Rebekah who sold his birthright for a bowl of soup (See Genesis 25:19-34). The first time heard about this story was when I was 8 or so during children's church. It made absolutely no sense. Why would someone give up their inheritance for a bowl of soup? Did he not know how many bowls of soup he could buy with his birthright?

Maybe he did but at that moment he wanted soup. Esau's story didn't make sense to me until I got into a relationship where premarital sex was apart of it. It was then that I realized that I was willing to trade a moment of satisfaction for an eternity with God in heaven. 

The Bible is clear. Fornication is a sin regardless of how passionate a moment is, regardless of if you plan to marry that person, etc. The Bible reminds us that our bodies are a temple and we must not sin against it for our own protection (i.e. children born out of wedlock, soul ties). (See 1 Corinthians 6:18-20). 

I draw a connection between sexual immorality and Esaus especially when he shows up again later in the New Testament: "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God...that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears" Hebrews 12:15-17. 

I think it's purposeful that "sexually immoral or unholy like Esau" are grouped together. Yes, there are other sins that could have been placed here, but the connection between Esau and those who offer up their birthright for something so temporal is strong. 

Andy Mineo summed it up nicely in his song, "Tug of War," "Then after smashing I'm sitting there asking/If eternity in Hell is worth some moments of your satisfaction[?]"

My urge to anyone reading this is to repent before it is too late. We don't know when our time on earth will be done nor do we know when Jesus will return for his church, but we do know that we can learn from Esau. Our birthright is heaven, so let's not be like Esau who could not repent and receive his inheritance. 

Best, 

Courtney