Honestly. It had to be done.
I know that the devil has been trying hard to get me down and out, and he's been trying so many things.
The newest tactic? Males.
Part of me feels like this shouldn't be an issue to have struggled with. Last year this time, God used me to lead a group of women on how to live pure lives. Of course, swinging with the right men was an important topic of discussion. However, I compromised a little too much in the past few months.
So, a little background about me...my dating life in my past has pretty much sucked. Not to mention, it's been over 2 years since I've really talked to a guy. And then all of a sudden, guys appeared out of the blue. Skinny guys, heavyset guys, black guys, white guys, educated guys, uneducated guys. They wanted to talk to me. To me?! Nothing was really serious, a few flirt partners here and there and phone numbers.
There was this one guy I connected with...We knew each other when we were younger, and we reconnected. At first he started asking me about Christianity, and I was excited to discuss Jesus! I wasn't even thinking about catching feelings. Eventually, our conversations turned into everything about life. His true feelings about Jesus (thinking he's a myth) came out. The problem is that I started to get feelings for him.
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Galatians 6:1 (I think it's important to help people get to Christ, but you have to make sure that you're strong enough to not get tempted by their sinful lifestyle. Also, it's great to witness, but if they are not receptive, it's okay to move on).
The thing is that we have to be careful who we allow in our circle of influence. Yes, we want to led others to Christ, but remember the devil also uses people to lead people astray. Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals." 1 Corinthians 15:33.
To make a long story short....I allowed myself to become emotionally attached to this guy because I lost focus of God. I've moved to a new city recently, started a new job, met new friends, went to a few bars, struggled to find a church, struggled to pray and connect to Christ. The thing is that I'm in one of the most difficult seasons of my life, and not having that Christ centered life has led me open to spiritual attacks. While I'm probably not where I was spiritually this time last year, I'm thankful that God is a forgiving God who allows me to start over and take it a day at a time. This is no excuse for sin, it's a realization that I'm a sinner in need of a savior. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--- this I keep on doing. Romans 7:19.
The thing is that we can be spiritually attacked by the enemy to get us off track. The devil will often use temptation, but remember God always provides a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). When God provides a way out, take it! The thing about being tempted by sin is that the sin appears to make us feel alive, yet that very sin ultimately leads to death (John 10:10).
It was hard to walk away from this guy because there is a fear that something better won't come around. Christians should never settle in anything. If my awesome Christian husband were to come tomorrow, then it would make this single season so much easier. But I'm realizing that God's timing is perfect, and if my hubs never comes, I'm still going to be obedient to God. I cannot give up certain things in expectation of an award, I give up worldly things because I'm a spiritual being focused on serving my heavenly Father. I do my obedience to Christ, not for myself. It's all a part of picking up my cross and laying my life down in surrender.
P.S.---Shout out to my spiritual sisters for talking sense into me over and over again. Thanks. Love you all!
Peace and Love.
