My Battle With Anxiety

Time freezes. Sweat breaks out. Breathing quickens. Sleepless nights. Thoughts consume.

In June 2015, something scary happened to me one night. That fear stayed with me for months. I thought someone was going to kill me. I thought someone was watching me. I reverted back to sleeping with a nightlight. This fear seemed completely rationale, and while it was a little, I let it control my actions. A few months later, I was able to naturally get over it, combined with a move and prayer.

Fast forward to early 2016. I was at a job that I began to hate. A job where criticism was strong. A job that I thought I was failing at. A job that I took home with me daily, workload and memories. I started to become extremely hard on myself. I usually aim for perfection, and this situation was not playing out perfectly. I would replay events of the day over and over in my head. It was like all I could focus on was went wrong.

My thoughts began to cripple me. I would come home from work and lay in the bed unable to get up until my pets made me take care of them. I would cry and give myself pep talks most days just to get out of the door and go to work. Sometimes at random times, memories would fill me and I would forget what I was doing. It was like I was stuck in my mind.

The only one who can calm me during episodes like above is Jesus. When my mind is flooded with fear and uncertainty, he holds out his hand to me. He is always there. I just have to remind me self this. In almost every situation, 1 Peter 5:7 comes to mind. "Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." This verse speaks such power. Let God have your anxieties, it's not your battle to fight. He wants to carry your troubles because he cares for you (Matthew 11:29-30). You are not alone. "It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed" Deuteronomy 31:8.

God came that we may have life and have it to the full (John 10:10). Yes, we will troubles, the Bible promises that (John 16:33), but I believe that with Jesus our troubles will not have us. I am becoming increasing aware that in my moments of weaknesses, God provides his steadfast strength (1 Corinthians 12:9).


So how do I overcome anxiety? I don't. I give it to the God who cares. I ask God to take it away. I pray. Times when I can't pray, I just sit in his presence. I turn on Christian music. I remind myself of all of the glorious things God has done for me on my behalf. I warfare and put the devil in his place. I read my Bible or I open my audio version of my Bible.

I remind myself that the battle is not mines, but it is the Lord's (2 Chronicles 20:15).

The gates of hell will not prevail. I don't live with anxiety because every time I turn to God he puts it to death. When my eyes are upon the Lord, he keeps me in perfect peace (Isiah 26:3). Understand that God is greater than anything and everything. Anxiety. Depression. Fear. Anger. Lust. Whatever, you fill in the blank. However, if you need help, get it. If medicine will help you, then use it. I know I talk to friends and family and they help me, but ultimately, no one can completely heal like Jesus.

Go in peace. 

Love,

Courtney